"kiss me you fool"

This was originally "kiss me, my fool" in the film A Fool There Was (1915) by Theda Bara. She was a hot, Sharon Stone-esque husband stealin' lady who used her "worldly knowledge" to seduce married men. This would have been new territory for the movies.

I like to fit cliches into my everyday dialogue. I've been trying to work in "It's quiet...too quiet" or " Ahh...It's only a flesh-wound". I think I missed my big chance recently on the latter when I go a splinter in my foot from my deck.


"kiss me you fool", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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hot coffee

I drink a lot of coffee, but it's rarely hot. I'll pour it and start working on something, and it gets cold by the time I get to it. If I get "out coffee", it seems the attempt is made to make it similar to the temperature of the sun. This is not necessary. I've also been drinking it black for years. I don't want to get dependent on sugar / cream and not have any. I also think that if you get really good donuts or something that black coffee brings out the flavor a touch more.

I think that I've gone to such lengths to simplify my life that I over analyze these things.

Oh, Season Four of Hawaii Five-O comes out on the 10th. Its the last season with Kono. He'll be replaced with Duke ( formally generic-beat-cop-scene-filler-guy). My favorite thing is that Steve ( McGarrett) pronounces Duke with a little extra juice. He says DE-yuke, but fast. Hey, I need these things.



hot coffee, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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bowl of kisses

Hershey has returned to the word "KISSES" on the little papers attached to the Hershey Kiss. There was a period there where "You the Man!" and "You Go Girl" seemed to slip into the new and hip world of Hershey. That sort of thing is similar to the capri pant for men...a bad idea.

I remember as a child wanting to go to Hershey, PA. I thought is was sort of an amercian "Wonka" town where there was free flowing river of chocolate that you could gorge yourself on endlessly. Incidently, in my version of Hersheytown there would be gaurds that would immediately arrest your parents during your stay in an effort to prevent any "complications" that might prevent you from your chocolate bender.


bowl of kisses, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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enjoy

This is a funny thing I remember from my childhood. My Dad and his Mom always had somewhat of a contentious relationship. Soon after my grampa died ( Carl, a two-fisted drinking, gambling, carousing man's man), My grandmother started "dating" MUCH younger men ( 60's/20's ratio). This did not improve family relations.

Okay, we ( Mom, Dad, Sister, Grandmother and me ) were on a trip in Ocean City, Maryland having dinner on the boardwalk ( I was like 9 or 10). My grandmother ( rather flirtily with the waiter) said "Oh, Ha...Ha...I'll have a Diet Tab". Well, My old man in true smart ass form in his best Marvin Kaplan impersonation said "Oh yeah...Well I'll have a regular Tab". The look she gave him was burned into my brain. The how-dare-you-make-me-look-stupid-while-I'm-trying-to-flirt-with-some-stranger-in-front-of-my-grandchildren look. I always liked my Dad's willingness to call someone out in ANY situation.

enjoy, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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12 inch Lifesavers

I love this little statue of Superman. Its exactly what I think of as Superman( barrel chested and smiling). I spend a lot of time listening to music and radio shows from the 40's and 50's. The Superman radio show from the 40's is very different from The Adventures of Superman television show of the 50's. Superman is a little more...violent on radio. George Reeves would have found a more passive solution.

Another thing that's kinda funny about the radio show is that Clark Kent would change into Superman EVERY TIME he used his powers. George would occasionally break a door or use his x-ray vision without breaking out the cape. Clayton "Bud" Collyer was the radio voice of Superman and was absolutely fantastic. He would change his voice from a lighthearted and fairly timid Clark Kent to a rough and tumble tough guy Superman when he changed ( "hmmm...well this might be a job ...FOR SUPERMAN!!").



lifesavers, 2008

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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moon pie

The Moon Pie has some pretty sketchy lore ( It's like the Loch Ness monster of junk food). Apparently, Moon pie was "developed" by a construction worker framing his hands around the moon and saying, "Yeah, like about that big". Moon Pie was born in Chatta-Vegas, TN ( this was a term used by people I met in college from Chattanooga to point ot its lack of...whatever) around the turn of the century. The RC Cola / Moon Pie combo is in actual practice still to this day. I would advise anyone going to try this at home to pick up a shot of Insulin too.


moon pie, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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I heard it through the vitis vinifera

Oddly, I resemble the little Fisher-Price girl as a child, and as an adult I resemble the bald boy ( or Ziggy, Charlie Brown, or basically any round object with a face on it).

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granny hemingray

I finally found something to do with these! I have a collection of about 100 or so of these glass insulators. I was at at local flea market and some guy had a whole table full. There were a lot of cool colorful ones in different shapes and sizes. I asked him what he'd take for all of them and he said, " Man, I'll give you $20.00 if you take them off my hands". I didn't realize at the time what I'd do with 500 lbs worth of colored glass, but...I knew i'd do something with them.
As you can see, they make excellent individual fruit holders ( that you can't at any point touch the fruit, glass, or thing supporting it).

granny hemingray, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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"hey there...big boy"

I have some pretty good memories growing up. My Dad uprooted us from Cleveland to rural Georgia when I was three. Well, all of my extended family ( grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc...) still lived in Ohio so this meant a fifteen hour car car ride every holiday. Although that ride REALLY sucked, one of the many travel "bright spots" was stopping at Frisch's Big Boy on the way. You could determine that you were getting into Yankee territory when you started to see the signs on the highway.

Okay, not that the food was memorable in any way, but they always had Big Boy comics . This would give my sister and I something to fight over in the car for the remaining seven hours. Very important arguments like : Who got "the good one" without any grease stains. Now, my sister and I fought over a lot of important things over the years, but those comic book fights were some of the most impassioned. These fights ranking only second to who got more of the little plastic steak markers at the Western Steer ( you know the blue, red, and green plastic markers that said "WELL", "MEDIUM WELL", "RARE" to denote how the steak was cooked). By steak, I mean a piece of brownish meat with black "grill lines" printed on it. Actually, it just now occurs to me why my Mom got so mad at the fact that we would take those little stakes off of other people's plates after they had left their tables. It now also occurs to me how stupid I was as a little kid.

"hey there...big boy", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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pink toy elephant

In the days of old, when one "took to the spirits" a bit too much pink elephants somehow got thrown into the mix.

Speaking of elephants, there was an episode of The Adventures of Superman called "The Stolen Elephant" ( 1957) where some guys hold a baby elephant up for ransom. It was like an episode of CHiPs where ALL of the town's law enforcement resources are used to track down this elephant. Even worse, the bad guys ( one is actually named "Spike" ) hides the elephant in the barn of some kid who's having trouble adjusting to "country life". The kid bonds with the elephant ( who wouldn't?) and then the crooks come and take him back ( they have "papers").

The best part is when in order to find the missing elephant for the big night at the circus, the boy must recall a 17 digit number from the "papers" in order to find him. I think the magical memory powers of the elephant must have rubbed off on that kid.

Check out this!



pink toy elephant, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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red zeppelin

My Mom is Estonian. Her parents escaped to the U.S. ( New York then to Cleveland, Oh) in the 40's to get away from Hitler and his boys when my Mom was a little girl. Three good little stories:

First, Mom wasn't allowed to wear anything red until she was in college ( fear of the "Comuuneest!!")

Second, My grandfather apparently was put to work by Nazis ( I don't think this was voluntary "position") as a bus driver. Right before they got out of the country, He is rumored to have driven a bus full of Nazi officers off a mountain cliff.

And third , My Mom really laid it on thick to my Sister and I ( as to how spoiled we were when we were kids) . We were often told of how she was so poor that as a child her only toys were potatoes.



red zeppelin, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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scramble ( broken egg in bowl)

I often have the argument at home that if the yolk is broken at any point before eating...you toss it and start again. Gordon Ramsay ( super awesome chef/ philosopher/ business guru ) has the best quote about it. "Hey, What'ch you doin' mate? You can't serve that!! Its the customer's privilege to break the yolk you !@#$%!!"

I couldn't agree more. I know its wasteful ( 9 cents? ), but you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere.


scramble, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Hershey's Kiss

I buy candy all the time for the "home" ( my niece comes over every other day, Mom stops by, etc..). Its good to have treats around for all. I bought a bag of Hershey's Kisses, and as I was putting them into the candy bowl-thingy I noticed something. At first glance, one of the kisses appeared to have "F*** You" on the little paper attached to it. Certainly the good people at Hershey's weren't going full-on FOX TV?

No as it turns out, It said "You Rock" ( yeah, I know...), and the piece was ripped off at the "ck" and the "you" followed. A dirty optical illusion! I showed this thing to everyone, and most of the people I showed it to thought I had made the little paper.

Nice. Like I would put that much time and energy into such a adolescent joke!



hershey's kiss ( "you rock" or...), 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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cherries

Cherries are perfect! They are like tasty little sculptures ( I'm sure a good psychologist would have a field day with that...). when I was a kid, I once swallowed a cherry pit and my Grandfather told me that " a cherry tree is going to grow in your belly...heh!".

This was truly frightening to me. A tree growing inside of me like the Alien. Just waiting inside for me to eat spaghetti with Tom Skerritt and Yaphet Kotto before bursting out? No thanks! This was some off-shoot lie variation of the "you're eyes will stay like that if you keep crossing them" or " you'll go blind if you continue to...".

I never found out the "mystical penalty" for lying to children.


cherries, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Pink Telephone 12 inch

I spend a lot of time on the phone ( usually while I'm working). I REALLY prefer a phone call vs. email. To me, email is really a means to get phone numbers of people you want to talk to ( or to give numbers to people who want to talk to you). I tried sending my Mom an email a couple of times, but it seemed really weird. Too impersonal (and this was like giving movie times or something...). My feeling is that if you're going to take time to email a friend or your family, pick up that phone.

Well, I kinda understand people who email me instead of calling. I might tend to ramble...a little.

I put a small reserve ( 1/3 of gallery price) on this painting due to the larger size. I have to play ball with my galleries...a little.

pink telephone, 2008

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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Evolution or Mr. Potato Head...Nude

The Kool-aid man gets pants but not Mr. Potato Head? Does Mr. Potato Head not pose the same "threat" to our children? A pitcher of powdered fruit drink has genitals? Invisible genitals? Does Mr. Potato Head have these as well?

Fun Fact:

The use of a food item in conjunction with the word "head" is always a great insult.

food + "head" = funny

Examples like:

"Okay, let's go talk to this meat-head..."

"Hey, banana-head...look what you're doing!"

"Hold on a sec', I have to call this potato-head back to see where my check "disappeared" to..."

I actually had to modify this Mr. Potato Head to accomodate the third arm. The past version had the arms already attached ( pre-'83). I have a 50's and 70's version of Mr. Potato Head, but to be honest ( and this is rarely the case), the current sculp is the most iconic looking. The previous guys also had a cool little pipe ( no more of that...). The current basic version comes with a moustache, glasses, different mouth, and...no pants.

On evolution:

If a meteor had not struck the earth millions of years ago, does that mean I would slide down the back of a Brontosaurus when I got off work?


evolution, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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"when I take my sugar to tea..."

"I never take her where the gang goes..."? Sinatra was a Crip?

I wondered about "offending" people with a nude ( I always thought the word "nude" sounded a little pervy, but...) in one of my paintings. My favorite example of people having trouble with this is...Attorney General John Ashcroft. He spent $8000 of tax payer money to have Lady Justice draped for "aethetic reasons". That's good government!

Now I'm no activist for any pro-nudity special interest group ( to be fair, they've never contacted me either) , but I really don't understand people who have a problem with the naked body. I'm not saying to let your four-year old watch Deep Throat or anything, but I'm pretty sure that any "normal" person who looked at Lady Justice ( pre-drape) never went into any rapist frenzy.

Oh, if anyone is actually offended by my painting...I'll totally drape it for them.


"when I take my sugar to tea...", 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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an apple for the (bad) teacher

I've had some bad experiences with teachers over the years ( particularly with math related subjects).

Presenter: "...and the Academy Award goes to...Otto Lange!"

Announcer: This award goes to Mr. Lange for best use of crying to get out of being caught for cheating on an Algebra II test in 10th grade

Yeah, its true. I got full-on caught for looking at some girl's paper in the 10th grade. I wasn't even really cheating. Man, I was so lost in that class. I was just trying to see what the work should look like just so the teacher wouldn't think I was totally retarded. The teacher, we'll call her Ms. Bullock ( because that was her name...) was a total "Margaret Hamilton" about it too! "I have you now Mr.-makes-fun-of-my-hair-that-looks-as-hard-as-granite-because-I-use-way-too-much-hairspray! Who's sassy now?"

I had no choice. Try to explain my situation, and have her not believe me ( and get in A LOT of trouble). Or...do the soap opera cry ( you know, close you're eyes real tight, bite your lip, and turn away).

Hey, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta.


"an apple for the (bad) teacher", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Boing Boing

Hey! This is pretty cool...I got mentioned in something I actually read! Boing Boing!

Okay, and even more cool...the link next to mine has the Superfriends! Pin It Now!

pep-o-mints

I usually never take the little mints and candies they have at the register ( or on the way out of a restaurant), but I saw these and had to get them ( to paint). The problem was that I saw them and then went back into the restaurant after we had paid ( and left the building). I know I must have looked cool going back in when the manager guy asked if I had forgotten something and I awkwardly said..."No...I'll just ...hmmm...I'll take a few of these...okay...Thanks".


pep-o-mints, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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