"baby what a big surprise"

One time a guy asked me if I "liked Chicago". I said "do you mean the city or...?" and then I did a little fast high pitched trumpet noise thing with my mouth. He was talkng about the band. We both agreed that Chicago was cool up until the A.C. ( after Cetera) period. Chicago is actually one of my "tools to annoy" with. Doing the trumpet noise thing to the tune of "Twenty-five or Six to four" is one of the more effective tunes.

To be honest, I always like Chicago ( the city and band...with Cetera). I have a penchant for 70's "lite rock" also know by some as...crap. I like a little Gordon Lightfoot, Little River Band, Doobies ( yes, and some solo Mcdonald), and of course the one that I take the real beating for...Ambrosia. Another one that I like ( and like to make fun of) is David Gates and Bread. "I'd like to make it with you"? Good and bad...but mostly bad.

I'm afraid that in my quest to understand my enemy ( Al "year of the cat" Stewart) that I've been seduced by the dark side of AM rock. You win this round Terry Jacks!

"baby what a big surprise", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel Pin It Now!

black and blue

I never watch TV just to pass time ( mouth open, bag of Cheet-Os, etc). I usually prefer DVD collections of TV shows. I either :

-use it for a little backround noise while I'm painting

-use it to deliberately make fun of a particular show ( this is often best with a group).

-Or ( and this is the best one) I use it to reunite with an old friend.

My current "old friend" is Cannon . Paramount screws you a little by selling these in 1/2 seasons of roughly 12 episodes ( they figure you'll take less of a financial "risk" if you don't shell out for a whole season), but its totally worth it. Its one of the reasons I work hard. Its fantastic!



I'll go into Frank Cannon later, but I have to say that seeing 1971 in all of its desaturated glory was thrilling. He drove a silver Lincoln Mark IV ( with cool red leather interior) that was roughly 37 feet long. You get to see Tom Skerritt sans moustache and Boss Hogg sans a redneck accent. Awesome!

I love William Conrad from radio shows ( He did a great one where he was a cowboy that had to defend his ranch against a swarm of flesh-eating ants), but Cannon is his masterwork. He uses his fat in an almost charming ( and disarming ) way. He uses a Judo chop to incapacitate his foes AND...he scuba dives.

Here' the best part ( and it gets better and better every time you hear it!):


"black and blue", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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French Kisses

I remember when I was like 10 or 11 my parents took me to see "a big T.V. star" at the world congress center in Atlanta. I also remember two women getting into a physical fight over someone "cuttin' in line" while we were waiting. A couple years before, my parents had taken me to see Darth Vader. Most of you may not know this, but the real Darth Vader has a thick southern accent, "whut's yore naame littul bouy?". And see, I had always though that David Prowse was an Englishman. We live and learn.

I was always skeptical when we went on these "star" jaunts after the hillbilly-Vader debacle, but the fight got me kind of excited. Actually, it turned out to be another version of hillbilly-Vader only in a policeman's uniform: Sonny "Enos" Shroyer. There is no real point to the story other than my childhood had some periods of minor disappointment and that people will fight over anything.

Oh, the French word baiser in my picture is in the noun form. A common mistake that people make when using baiser is that they use it in the verb form. This can make for some occasional "confusion", but often enhances the meaning.


"french kisses", 2008

10" x 5", oil on gessoed panel

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trix

I was at the gas station this morning, and two guys in a truck pulled up to the pump next to me. When the two got out ( one to go inside and the other towards the pump) the music from inside the truck was so loud it would have killed a small animal.

Okay, my questions are:

-Were these two guys having a conversation through the use of screaming ( awkward and frankly, a little weird)?

-Or, were these guys sitting in silence listening to the music at this level ( even more weird and frankly, a little stupid)?

Trix is one of my favorite cerals. A few years back they changed from the little multi-colored balls to a shape that represented each "fruit" of the corresponding color. I never understood why, but they've since gone back to the little balls.

"trix", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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"good morning... fruit loops"

My mom was fairly militant about breakfast cereal when my sister and I were kids living at home. My mom is the original mom who "likes Kix for what Kix has not!". Occasionally, a Frosted Flake or Cheerio would grace the cupboard, but usually there was an element of bran present. I know she was looking out for us in a loving mommy way, but c'mon man... Grape Nuts?

One of the perks of being a semi-adult is the ability to select one's breakfast cereal. Most of the ones that I now select involve a rabbit, toucan, leprechaun or captain. Seriously, if you read the ingredients on the boxes, the margin of sugar in the fun-time vs. bleghhhh ones is small.

Okay, I'll eat an apple afterwards, but the captain sails with me in the morn'.

"good morning... fruit loops", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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bruised

Here's one to go on the list of "things I could never actually see myself buying" : Hello Kitty Band-Aids.

And this would be an example of someone possibly , shall we say, "over analyzing" the previously mentioned item.



You know...these Hello Kitty Band-Aids do, in fact, make that cut feel a little better. Thanks...( Hello ) Kitty!

bruised, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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straw-bees

The inclusion of children in my life has greatly enriched me emotionally, psychologically and intellectually. One great example ( and this is usually family-specific...which makes it even more special) is the extension and enhancement of your vocabulary with respect to the first words that the kids start using. Some of my favorites are pee-pop ( AKA popsicle ), bloo-bee ( blueberry) and my favorite...straw-bee. The funny thing is that as the kid grows up and starts speaking with more clarity, you feel the need to continue using the kiddy versions of certain words. "Uncle Otto...you don't have to say straw-bee anymore".

Man, I felt like Iron-Eyes Cody on the side of the road after having some car throw a bag of Burger King at me.

Actually, I invariably end up using some of these words when I speak to adults. "Work-job" is one I'm not giving up. This is a word that my little niece applied to anything that you would tell her "had to be done". The great thing about about her word "work-job" is that its very apt in the way that it intensifies ( by doubling it -"work" AND "job") the idea of doing something that sucks. True that, baby!

straw-bee, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Apricot ( nocturnal)

Actually, this being "the peach state" and all, its a very rare occasion that I do get a decent peach in the grocery store. Apricots are worse. So, when I'm going through the checkout, I'm usually more focused on Mr. "paper or plastic" than on the person ringing up my stuff. I always have to rifle through my bag to get my more delicate items ( apricots, raspberries, origami sculpture...) out from under the heavier ones ( gallon of milk, bag of rock salt, anvil...). Several times, the bagging person looks at me like I stole one of his kidneys when make any "suggestions" toward his trade.

The other thing I don't like is the whole "would you like this bagged" thing. If I buy $200.00 worth of grocery items, I'm gonna need a way to get it out of the place. And, I use the little bags for a lot of little household things. Its not like I'm running to my local wildlife preserve and throwing all of my plastic grocery bags directly into a stream. Maybe I'm reading too much into the grocery store experience.

apricot ( nocturnal), 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Peach Tee

I am a really bad golfer and I'm okay with it. I think my crappy golfing bothers the people I play with more than me. I see it as an opportunity to wander around lush landscaping with somewhat of a purpose ( "I MUST get the ball into that hole!!"). There's drinking of beer involved, and you get to drive a cool little car. I think others take it a little more seriously.

I love it when the ranger ( this is denoted by some guy who generally wears a hat that say's..."RANGER") come's by in his little cart to tell us to "Hurry up!" or "you guys need to tone down the language!!".

Thanks, "Dad"!

I also love the onslaught of little "tips" and "lessons" from EVERYONE with a bag of clubs. Some guy makes it on the green ONE stroke ahead of you and all of a sudden he's Fuzzy Zoeller?

Another favorite is when I hit a bad shot into the woods or into a lake ( on every hole ), I'm dropping another ball. This always gets the "Hey, didn't you already use your Mulligan?". The usual response is ( in the same tone as the person asking ) "Yes, Mr. ScoreMaster...I have...and...I'm going to use another one. I'm probably going to use one on EVERY HOLE.".

As bad as I am, I love playing with my uncle Rocky. I remember one summer in Ohio on a pretty nice PUBLIC course ( Yes, there's a difference), we were riding in the cart to our next shot. I noticed that there was a guy in the woods, another fishing one out of the lake with a stick, and a guy driving past us going the other direction looking for his ball. I gave him a puzzled look and before I could get out a word, he said ( and this is one of my favorite quotes on golf ) "Man, don't feel bad...everybody sucks!".

Another funny golf thing ( funny to me anyway) from Rocky is when you screw up a putt, he often says "Nice Read!!...Robert Reed!".

It just occurs to me that 90 % of the things in my "arsenal of funny" are things that only I find funny. "Robert Reed" doesn't come across as a real thigh-slapper in print.

peach tee, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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raspberry sky

My sister and I used to spend the summer at my great grandparent's ( Jack and Lil's' ) house every year. They had a wonderful garden that we would pick fruits and veggies to eat for dinner every night. We would also pick blackberries and raspberries out of the neighbor's yard. His name was Joe Simms.

At the time ( early 1980's), Joe Simms was a 75 year old retired "carpenter". He smoked 200 cigarettes a day. He was about 5'7" and weighed about 94 pounds, and he wore the same dirty "wife-beater" undershirt with dress pants ( also dirty) every single day of the year. He was a carpenter and I assume his skill at his trade could be determined by the fact that he had roughly four fingers and a thumb remaining. He would hold his cigarette butts ( I say "butts" because I never saw him hold one over 2 cm long) between his thumb and pinky. To top it all off, he was a complete and total jerk. Always yelling at me, my sister, and my cousin to "get outta my Goddamn yard!!". I was like 10 or 11. This guy was a real cartoon character.

In my family, there is a thing called...a "Joe Simms" story. There are a million funny ones. Stories like the time he rode through the Wendy's drive-thru with his riding-mower because he had his driver's license taken away. The funny part is not the lawn mower through a restaurant drive-thru. The funny part is that they called the police on him becuase he had driven through with the blade down and inadvertently cut up the little cord that activated the speaker...and then attempted to evade the authorities.

One summer, my grandfather had shown us how to take a switch from his apple tree and fling apples with it ( he had a huge yard). One time Joe Simms yelled at us for flinging apples into his yard and said he was going to call "the cops on you little bast-edds". I ended up flinging one last apple as he was walking away and subsequently hit him in the back. We ran inside and lied to Gramma saying "everyone knows he lies...".

Actually, I think Grampa ultimately was the one who got in trouble for showing "the kids" the apple thing.

raspberry sky, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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"kiss me you fool"

This was originally "kiss me, my fool" in the film A Fool There Was (1915) by Theda Bara. She was a hot, Sharon Stone-esque husband stealin' lady who used her "worldly knowledge" to seduce married men. This would have been new territory for the movies.

I like to fit cliches into my everyday dialogue. I've been trying to work in "It's quiet...too quiet" or " Ahh...It's only a flesh-wound". I think I missed my big chance recently on the latter when I go a splinter in my foot from my deck.


"kiss me you fool", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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hot coffee

I drink a lot of coffee, but it's rarely hot. I'll pour it and start working on something, and it gets cold by the time I get to it. If I get "out coffee", it seems the attempt is made to make it similar to the temperature of the sun. This is not necessary. I've also been drinking it black for years. I don't want to get dependent on sugar / cream and not have any. I also think that if you get really good donuts or something that black coffee brings out the flavor a touch more.

I think that I've gone to such lengths to simplify my life that I over analyze these things.

Oh, Season Four of Hawaii Five-O comes out on the 10th. Its the last season with Kono. He'll be replaced with Duke ( formally generic-beat-cop-scene-filler-guy). My favorite thing is that Steve ( McGarrett) pronounces Duke with a little extra juice. He says DE-yuke, but fast. Hey, I need these things.



hot coffee, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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bowl of kisses

Hershey has returned to the word "KISSES" on the little papers attached to the Hershey Kiss. There was a period there where "You the Man!" and "You Go Girl" seemed to slip into the new and hip world of Hershey. That sort of thing is similar to the capri pant for men...a bad idea.

I remember as a child wanting to go to Hershey, PA. I thought is was sort of an amercian "Wonka" town where there was free flowing river of chocolate that you could gorge yourself on endlessly. Incidently, in my version of Hersheytown there would be gaurds that would immediately arrest your parents during your stay in an effort to prevent any "complications" that might prevent you from your chocolate bender.


bowl of kisses, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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enjoy

This is a funny thing I remember from my childhood. My Dad and his Mom always had somewhat of a contentious relationship. Soon after my grampa died ( Carl, a two-fisted drinking, gambling, carousing man's man), My grandmother started "dating" MUCH younger men ( 60's/20's ratio). This did not improve family relations.

Okay, we ( Mom, Dad, Sister, Grandmother and me ) were on a trip in Ocean City, Maryland having dinner on the boardwalk ( I was like 9 or 10). My grandmother ( rather flirtily with the waiter) said "Oh, Ha...Ha...I'll have a Diet Tab". Well, My old man in true smart ass form in his best Marvin Kaplan impersonation said "Oh yeah...Well I'll have a regular Tab". The look she gave him was burned into my brain. The how-dare-you-make-me-look-stupid-while-I'm-trying-to-flirt-with-some-stranger-in-front-of-my-grandchildren look. I always liked my Dad's willingness to call someone out in ANY situation.

enjoy, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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12 inch Lifesavers

I love this little statue of Superman. Its exactly what I think of as Superman( barrel chested and smiling). I spend a lot of time listening to music and radio shows from the 40's and 50's. The Superman radio show from the 40's is very different from The Adventures of Superman television show of the 50's. Superman is a little more...violent on radio. George Reeves would have found a more passive solution.

Another thing that's kinda funny about the radio show is that Clark Kent would change into Superman EVERY TIME he used his powers. George would occasionally break a door or use his x-ray vision without breaking out the cape. Clayton "Bud" Collyer was the radio voice of Superman and was absolutely fantastic. He would change his voice from a lighthearted and fairly timid Clark Kent to a rough and tumble tough guy Superman when he changed ( "hmmm...well this might be a job ...FOR SUPERMAN!!").



lifesavers, 2008

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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moon pie

The Moon Pie has some pretty sketchy lore ( It's like the Loch Ness monster of junk food). Apparently, Moon pie was "developed" by a construction worker framing his hands around the moon and saying, "Yeah, like about that big". Moon Pie was born in Chatta-Vegas, TN ( this was a term used by people I met in college from Chattanooga to point ot its lack of...whatever) around the turn of the century. The RC Cola / Moon Pie combo is in actual practice still to this day. I would advise anyone going to try this at home to pick up a shot of Insulin too.


moon pie, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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I heard it through the vitis vinifera

Oddly, I resemble the little Fisher-Price girl as a child, and as an adult I resemble the bald boy ( or Ziggy, Charlie Brown, or basically any round object with a face on it).

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granny hemingray

I finally found something to do with these! I have a collection of about 100 or so of these glass insulators. I was at at local flea market and some guy had a whole table full. There were a lot of cool colorful ones in different shapes and sizes. I asked him what he'd take for all of them and he said, " Man, I'll give you $20.00 if you take them off my hands". I didn't realize at the time what I'd do with 500 lbs worth of colored glass, but...I knew i'd do something with them.
As you can see, they make excellent individual fruit holders ( that you can't at any point touch the fruit, glass, or thing supporting it).

granny hemingray, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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"hey there...big boy"

I have some pretty good memories growing up. My Dad uprooted us from Cleveland to rural Georgia when I was three. Well, all of my extended family ( grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc...) still lived in Ohio so this meant a fifteen hour car car ride every holiday. Although that ride REALLY sucked, one of the many travel "bright spots" was stopping at Frisch's Big Boy on the way. You could determine that you were getting into Yankee territory when you started to see the signs on the highway.

Okay, not that the food was memorable in any way, but they always had Big Boy comics . This would give my sister and I something to fight over in the car for the remaining seven hours. Very important arguments like : Who got "the good one" without any grease stains. Now, my sister and I fought over a lot of important things over the years, but those comic book fights were some of the most impassioned. These fights ranking only second to who got more of the little plastic steak markers at the Western Steer ( you know the blue, red, and green plastic markers that said "WELL", "MEDIUM WELL", "RARE" to denote how the steak was cooked). By steak, I mean a piece of brownish meat with black "grill lines" printed on it. Actually, it just now occurs to me why my Mom got so mad at the fact that we would take those little stakes off of other people's plates after they had left their tables. It now also occurs to me how stupid I was as a little kid.

"hey there...big boy", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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pink toy elephant

In the days of old, when one "took to the spirits" a bit too much pink elephants somehow got thrown into the mix.

Speaking of elephants, there was an episode of The Adventures of Superman called "The Stolen Elephant" ( 1957) where some guys hold a baby elephant up for ransom. It was like an episode of CHiPs where ALL of the town's law enforcement resources are used to track down this elephant. Even worse, the bad guys ( one is actually named "Spike" ) hides the elephant in the barn of some kid who's having trouble adjusting to "country life". The kid bonds with the elephant ( who wouldn't?) and then the crooks come and take him back ( they have "papers").

The best part is when in order to find the missing elephant for the big night at the circus, the boy must recall a 17 digit number from the "papers" in order to find him. I think the magical memory powers of the elephant must have rubbed off on that kid.

Check out this!



pink toy elephant, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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red zeppelin

My Mom is Estonian. Her parents escaped to the U.S. ( New York then to Cleveland, Oh) in the 40's to get away from Hitler and his boys when my Mom was a little girl. Three good little stories:

First, Mom wasn't allowed to wear anything red until she was in college ( fear of the "Comuuneest!!")

Second, My grandfather apparently was put to work by Nazis ( I don't think this was voluntary "position") as a bus driver. Right before they got out of the country, He is rumored to have driven a bus full of Nazi officers off a mountain cliff.

And third , My Mom really laid it on thick to my Sister and I ( as to how spoiled we were when we were kids) . We were often told of how she was so poor that as a child her only toys were potatoes.



red zeppelin, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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scramble ( broken egg in bowl)

I often have the argument at home that if the yolk is broken at any point before eating...you toss it and start again. Gordon Ramsay ( super awesome chef/ philosopher/ business guru ) has the best quote about it. "Hey, What'ch you doin' mate? You can't serve that!! Its the customer's privilege to break the yolk you !@#$%!!"

I couldn't agree more. I know its wasteful ( 9 cents? ), but you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere.


scramble, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Hershey's Kiss

I buy candy all the time for the "home" ( my niece comes over every other day, Mom stops by, etc..). Its good to have treats around for all. I bought a bag of Hershey's Kisses, and as I was putting them into the candy bowl-thingy I noticed something. At first glance, one of the kisses appeared to have "F*** You" on the little paper attached to it. Certainly the good people at Hershey's weren't going full-on FOX TV?

No as it turns out, It said "You Rock" ( yeah, I know...), and the piece was ripped off at the "ck" and the "you" followed. A dirty optical illusion! I showed this thing to everyone, and most of the people I showed it to thought I had made the little paper.

Nice. Like I would put that much time and energy into such a adolescent joke!



hershey's kiss ( "you rock" or...), 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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cherries

Cherries are perfect! They are like tasty little sculptures ( I'm sure a good psychologist would have a field day with that...). when I was a kid, I once swallowed a cherry pit and my Grandfather told me that " a cherry tree is going to grow in your belly...heh!".

This was truly frightening to me. A tree growing inside of me like the Alien. Just waiting inside for me to eat spaghetti with Tom Skerritt and Yaphet Kotto before bursting out? No thanks! This was some off-shoot lie variation of the "you're eyes will stay like that if you keep crossing them" or " you'll go blind if you continue to...".

I never found out the "mystical penalty" for lying to children.


cherries, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Pink Telephone 12 inch

I spend a lot of time on the phone ( usually while I'm working). I REALLY prefer a phone call vs. email. To me, email is really a means to get phone numbers of people you want to talk to ( or to give numbers to people who want to talk to you). I tried sending my Mom an email a couple of times, but it seemed really weird. Too impersonal (and this was like giving movie times or something...). My feeling is that if you're going to take time to email a friend or your family, pick up that phone.

Well, I kinda understand people who email me instead of calling. I might tend to ramble...a little.

I put a small reserve ( 1/3 of gallery price) on this painting due to the larger size. I have to play ball with my galleries...a little.

pink telephone, 2008

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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Evolution or Mr. Potato Head...Nude

The Kool-aid man gets pants but not Mr. Potato Head? Does Mr. Potato Head not pose the same "threat" to our children? A pitcher of powdered fruit drink has genitals? Invisible genitals? Does Mr. Potato Head have these as well?

Fun Fact:

The use of a food item in conjunction with the word "head" is always a great insult.

food + "head" = funny

Examples like:

"Okay, let's go talk to this meat-head..."

"Hey, banana-head...look what you're doing!"

"Hold on a sec', I have to call this potato-head back to see where my check "disappeared" to..."

I actually had to modify this Mr. Potato Head to accomodate the third arm. The past version had the arms already attached ( pre-'83). I have a 50's and 70's version of Mr. Potato Head, but to be honest ( and this is rarely the case), the current sculp is the most iconic looking. The previous guys also had a cool little pipe ( no more of that...). The current basic version comes with a moustache, glasses, different mouth, and...no pants.

On evolution:

If a meteor had not struck the earth millions of years ago, does that mean I would slide down the back of a Brontosaurus when I got off work?


evolution, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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"when I take my sugar to tea..."

"I never take her where the gang goes..."? Sinatra was a Crip?

I wondered about "offending" people with a nude ( I always thought the word "nude" sounded a little pervy, but...) in one of my paintings. My favorite example of people having trouble with this is...Attorney General John Ashcroft. He spent $8000 of tax payer money to have Lady Justice draped for "aethetic reasons". That's good government!

Now I'm no activist for any pro-nudity special interest group ( to be fair, they've never contacted me either) , but I really don't understand people who have a problem with the naked body. I'm not saying to let your four-year old watch Deep Throat or anything, but I'm pretty sure that any "normal" person who looked at Lady Justice ( pre-drape) never went into any rapist frenzy.

Oh, if anyone is actually offended by my painting...I'll totally drape it for them.


"when I take my sugar to tea...", 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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an apple for the (bad) teacher

I've had some bad experiences with teachers over the years ( particularly with math related subjects).

Presenter: "...and the Academy Award goes to...Otto Lange!"

Announcer: This award goes to Mr. Lange for best use of crying to get out of being caught for cheating on an Algebra II test in 10th grade

Yeah, its true. I got full-on caught for looking at some girl's paper in the 10th grade. I wasn't even really cheating. Man, I was so lost in that class. I was just trying to see what the work should look like just so the teacher wouldn't think I was totally retarded. The teacher, we'll call her Ms. Bullock ( because that was her name...) was a total "Margaret Hamilton" about it too! "I have you now Mr.-makes-fun-of-my-hair-that-looks-as-hard-as-granite-because-I-use-way-too-much-hairspray! Who's sassy now?"

I had no choice. Try to explain my situation, and have her not believe me ( and get in A LOT of trouble). Or...do the soap opera cry ( you know, close you're eyes real tight, bite your lip, and turn away).

Hey, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta.


"an apple for the (bad) teacher", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Boing Boing

Hey! This is pretty cool...I got mentioned in something I actually read! Boing Boing!

Okay, and even more cool...the link next to mine has the Superfriends! Pin It Now!

pep-o-mints

I usually never take the little mints and candies they have at the register ( or on the way out of a restaurant), but I saw these and had to get them ( to paint). The problem was that I saw them and then went back into the restaurant after we had paid ( and left the building). I know I must have looked cool going back in when the manager guy asked if I had forgotten something and I awkwardly said..."No...I'll just ...hmmm...I'll take a few of these...okay...Thanks".


pep-o-mints, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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12 inch Brown-knee

I wanted to do this one a little larger in order to noodle around with a little more detail. I really gave my tiny brushes a work out this time. The "real" gesso as opposed to the acrylic stuff is WAY more gentle on an expensive brush.

Okay, more importantly is the release of Hawaii Five-0 Season three on Tuesday. Five-0 is GREAT T.V.!! You've got super-cool Steve McGarrett who constantly fires off a staccato rhythm of self righteous mini-speeches every episode ( he's like the love child of Elvis Presley and Jack Webb). The opening credit sequence tells it all ( the camera zooming in from the coast to a penthouse where Steve just happens to spin around just to give us a little 5 second "taste" of his cool). Awesome!!

Seriously, the whole premise is a task force who answers only to the Govenor? Are the FBI, state and local police not enough? No! We need Steve!

The best is when Steve goes undercover as some kind of jewel thief or "box man" ( they like to throw this term around to let us feel like we're getting a little "peek" inside real police jargon...oh, its a safecracker). The awesome part is that he goes into, shall we say...character when he's "under". Lot's of "evil" grins and sinister looks.

There's actualy a Five-0 drinking game where you drink every time someone says "McGarrett"( you'd get sloshed on this alone); someone from Five-0 shoots an unarmed man ( every episode); or anytime someone answers the phone "Yes, Steve" without being told its McGarrett.

"brown-knee, 1955, 2008

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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uncle dave...and some guy, 1937

When you look through your family photo albums is there always some guy that pops up that NOBODY KNOWS? There's this guy that is a recurrent character in all of our family photos that is referred to as "Phil or something". Its like on the ABC show Lost where every week there's some new hot chick or guy that shows up for some group shot. "Hey Man, Ethan's not on the manifest". Were there like 900 people on that plane?

uncle dave...and some guy, 1937, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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dubble bubble

Here's a cool little piece of Georgia lore. The heir to the Dubble Bubble dynasty has one of the coolest collections of microcars in the world. This warehouse is like a half-hour from my house tucked away on a two-lane country road ( its REALLY out in the sticks...). The only way you would find it is if you were looking for it ( there's a tiny sign that reads "Dubble Bubble Acres"). Check THIS out!

I mean really, a giant museum of the coolest antique foreign cars in the world? In the middle of nowhere? This is one of the reasons why I love living here!

dubble bubble, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Viewmasters...again

I have two items here:

First, I'm wrong about this particular Viewmaster...kinda. The one I painted is from 1976 ( the bi-centennial model...red and blue), but this model spanned from the the late 50's to the late 70's.

Second, ebay pulled this listing because I said that I accept "cash" in the little payment instruction thingy. I've used this same since I started, but apparently I'm not supposed to accept cash. I've relisted this painting again in a 5 day auction, and I'm sorry for the confusion.

Oh, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Pin It Now!

hi - def, 1970

Most of the things I watch on TV will NEVER be released in "hi-def" or look right on a widescreen television. TV shows need to be viewed in the correct original aspect ratio, but movies should NEVER be watched in "Full Screen" ( these have been edited by a studio employee and usually NOT the actual director of the movie). Shows like The Incredible Hulk ( my favorite "bad" show...Bixby is priceless), Hawaii 5-0 ( season three comes out on the 22nd!!), Space 1999 ( Landau's comb-over...), and The Equalizer ( super awesome!! Edward Woodward as a super cool British version of Charley Bronson...and Stewart Copeland's music...Fantastic) will never get the high defintion treatment.

I love the employee at the electronics store who comes up and says," Hey Man, do you have the high defintion experience at home? You really need to get with the times." I always respond ," when The Six Million Dollar Man comes out in hi-def...then I'll get with the program...Man".

hi - def, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Merry Christmas

I love the Christmas parade in the small town where I grew up! This year I tried to help Santa start his car ( he was flooding it...and slumped over the steering wheel). Awesome! He bid all the kids farewell with a little flair and said that "Santa has to drive home now". Then, he sat there for a while. I think he fell asleep. Oh, and it was an instant sleep too ( you know, like that woman in the ad for "the Clapper"). My niece had determined earlier that Santa doesn't talk like a "hillbilly" or "smell" , and that you "can't drive to the North Pole" either.

She's seven. Double Awesome!!

I got in trouble by my Mom when I pointed out to my niece that this particular Santa had also pee'd in his pants ( sorry, in his "Santa suit").

We decided that the "real Santa" doesn't do that either. Awesome times three!!!

I know its been a good Christmas when I get scolded and have some big laughs with a little kid. Pin It Now!

silver spoons

silver spoons, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Bing and Bob

I worked on Der Bingle a little more ( this was supposedly what the Germans called him during WWII, but I think they would have actually just called him by his NAME. There is no German translation for "Der Bingle"). I also finished Bob. I loved doing it.

FUN FACTS:


-"Thanks for the Memories" ( what became his theme song) was actually a B-side to "Penthouse Serenade" ( which isn't really very good). These songs were duets with Shirley Ross ( not Dorothy Lamour as most people think). Lamour sang the studio version of "My Favorite Brunette" ( one of his absolute best!!).

-Bob was the first to sing the Christmas song "Silver Bells" on screen in "The Lemon Drop Kid".

-There was talk in the late 40's and through the 50's of Bob running for President of the United States due to his immense popularity. He totally would have won, but he was born in England and was not eligible to run. There was also talk of attempting to change this law strictly for Bob to get in, but it was too soon after WWII and never pursued.

Bing, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

Bob, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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bing

Bing is the real "King". Okay, here's the quick history of popular music as I've learned it through my "learnin's":

-Bing

-Dean Martin ( often quoted as having the strong desire to mimic Crosby's style, and indeed did. Look for it in his manner and singing style. It's pure Bing!))

-Elvis Presley ( often quoted as wanting to mimic Dean Martin's style of singing. No real evidence of this ambition, but remember...It's still Bing)

-Everyone from the Beatles to the Rolling Stones. All of the British invasion and American Rock comes from Elvis and Blues. The Jazz ( primarily Dixieland, but also "experimental" as well) influence was brought into American households ( and parts of Europe) by, you guessed it, Bing! I know I'm over-simplifying, but the musicologists know the score.

Hey, it's important.

I made a movie showing the making of this painting ( I'm working on Bob Hope to go with Bing). I used all M.Graham products for this painting. The walnut oil in the paint and the medium are a super safe alternative to linseed oil/ turp methods. They also make a walnut oil for cleaning. You can eliminate petroleum from the oil painting process ( Leonardo didn't have them either). Walnut oil also doesn't yellow over time like linseed oil.

I also mixed the neutral grey ( gray?) from color. Using a black/white ( or worse, straight out of the tube Payne's grey) mixture doesn't have the same "vibrato" as a neutral mixed from complementary colors. You can play against your backround color that way.

Oh, incidentally, I took this from a "head shot" studio pic from 1942. This is my favorite period for Crosby's music, but he made some fantastic recordings up until the late 50's. My interest in his material ends in the 60's ( and don't get me started on that David Bowie "song").

Here's my new movie:

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granny lady

What's the one variety of insect that I won't break a $500.00 lamp to kill? The ladybug! I make every attempt to make the house and yard a bug-free zone, but the ladybug seems to slip through my net of Malathyon ( a super nasty neuro-toxin that works REALLY well! Oddly, we have no cats or birds around the house either...).

I was painting the other night and had a 45 minute "departure" just watching one moving around my palette. These little guys are all over the house, and I have absolutely no fear/gross-response at all. Is it because they're cute and they move in a neat little meandering way ( kind of like Groucho negotiating an office...)? Is this why Jessica Simpson ( or any one of "those"...) makes zillions of dollars to contribute basically nothing to the world of "entertainment"? Whatever happened to the triple-threat ( singer, dancer, actor...and you had to do them ALL well)? Now you can just be kind of generic and cute!

Hey, at least the ladybugs don't sing off-key!



granny lady, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Strawberry Pop Tarts

Pop Tarts ( and ONLY Kelloggs...you know what I'm talking about when I say the store brands need to stay in the store) were one of the first foods that I can remember making by myself. I'm sure my parents were so proud ( "that's our little prodigy!"). The few hours after school consisted of SpaghettiO's ( for my sister) and Pop Tarts for me. We would watch "The Adventures of Superman" followed by "The Brady Bunch" on WTBS ( this was before Ted Turner's "Superstation" had taken over cable and it was an Atlanta channel...channel 17, actually).

Oh, and I hate the term "latch-key kid". It implies that leaving your kid at home after school for a couple of hours is some horrible form of neglect. I mean if the kid doesn't see the parents for a week and is subsisting on Snicker's and Captain Crunch, then there might be a problem. On the other hand, a few hours alone at home isn't really anything worth crying on Dr. Phil's shoulder.

Strawberry Pop Tarts, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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don't cry over spilled Chicklets

Here's something funny. The ad for Chicklets in 1919 said that in a child's dreamland that "Chicklets hold the throne of glory!", and that they were "the crowning delight of childhood joy". Who were they marketing this to?





don't cry over spilled Chicklets, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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pink wind-up car

Along with all the things that I loved growing up, I've also been instilled with a love for all of the things my Dad loved. I grew up with Mego action figures, Paul McCartney & Wings, and the Super Friends. My Dad gave me a love for Hope and Crosby ( radio and movies), The Marx Bros., and Buck Rogers ( I remember watching those as kid on the Betamax!), and lots of cool tin toys. Incidentally, I remember being at Perimeter Mall in Atlanta watching my Dad trying to convince my Mom that a $2500.00 Betamax was a "good investment".

I keep wondering when I'm going to become a "grown-up"! I still love all the stuff that I always did. I do also remember as little kid thinking that you were "grown-up" when you owned a briefcase. You know like Oscar Goldman from the Six Million Dollar Man.

I've been asked to list some larger pieces for auction, so we'll see. I'm finishing up some "big pieces" for shows in the upcoming year that I'll post soon.

pink wind-up car, 2007

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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ring pops

My wife hipped me to one of the most disturbing things that has been brought to my attention in a while. They actually make a deep-fried macaroni and cheese nugget! Here's a sample description from the Sonic website:

"Today I'd like to introduce the term "unrestricted eating." It refers to eating whatever you want, whenever you want it. Like macaroni & cheese, for example. Typically, you'd need a bowl, spoon and both hands to enjoy this quintessentially American dish. Lucky for you, SONIC® invented Mac & Cheese Snacks—a cheesy favorite packed into crunchy bite-size morsels. It's portable and pop-able. Which means you can now have Mac & Cheese anytime, anywhere. So like I said, it's "unrestricted eating." Got it?"

Could this be why the rest of the world hates us?


ring pops, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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honey

I have two "honey" stories:

First, my wife and I were eating at a Waffle House one time ( incidentally, I saw my sixth grade science teacher working there a few years back...turns out she didn't have a teaching degree. This is why I now cannot get a job at NASA!). The waitress kept calling me "Hoh-neh" in a passive-aggressive manner which I determined to be her version of "Honey". This is a sample:

Me: "Can I get some more coffee?"

Waffle House waitress: "Sure, Hoh-neh!"

Me: "Well...thank you...Hoh-neh!" ( with a lot of extra HOH-NEEHH ).

Waffle House waitress: "Be right back...Hoh-heh"

She never got it. Kept right on calling me and everyone else in the place "hoh-neh". The interesting thing was that she spoke very plainly for every word except "honey". I still call people "Hoh-neh!", but nobody really knows why.

The other story is when I was about 13 years old, my Uncle and his girlfriend and I stopped by his house on the way to the movies. He was checking his mailbox and and had received a giant container of honey from a friend with a note that said " You two ENJOY!". My uncle and his girlfriend exchanged some sort of giggly look, and I can remeber saying "Wow, you guys must really like honey!". At the age of 13, let's just say I was a little slow on the uptake.

honey, 2007
6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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oh pear

Have you seen Supernanny? I'm pretty sure that my parents would have been too embarassed to display their ignorance about parenting on national television ( had that been the case...). I love the scenes where the kids on the show run around and scream and say " I HATE you Mom and DAD!". The parents say "here's some toys and candy...we love you Throckmorton", and then they look around with some confused expression as to WHY the kids are bad.

I'm also pretty sure that if my parents had brought in some hot British nanny to "discipline" me...I would have "straightened" up pretty quick ( the accent goes a long way).

Why does everything I say come out sounding adolescent and dirty?

oh pear, 2007
6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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magic no.2: hold your fire

Steve Martin is another hero of mine in many respects. His comedy albums shaped my "sense of funny" early in my childhood ( my Dad was pretty cool about that stuff, OR...he didn't care enough to screen what his children were exposed to...Either way, I win!). He's a great writer. Steve ( I call him Steve...) has one of the most important art collections in the world. And..., most importantly, Steve Martin is a great juggler! A true "Renaissance Man"!

-magic no.2: hold your fire, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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