Evolution or Mr. Potato Head...Nude

The Kool-aid man gets pants but not Mr. Potato Head? Does Mr. Potato Head not pose the same "threat" to our children? A pitcher of powdered fruit drink has genitals? Invisible genitals? Does Mr. Potato Head have these as well?

Fun Fact:

The use of a food item in conjunction with the word "head" is always a great insult.

food + "head" = funny

Examples like:

"Okay, let's go talk to this meat-head..."

"Hey, banana-head...look what you're doing!"

"Hold on a sec', I have to call this potato-head back to see where my check "disappeared" to..."

I actually had to modify this Mr. Potato Head to accomodate the third arm. The past version had the arms already attached ( pre-'83). I have a 50's and 70's version of Mr. Potato Head, but to be honest ( and this is rarely the case), the current sculp is the most iconic looking. The previous guys also had a cool little pipe ( no more of that...). The current basic version comes with a moustache, glasses, different mouth, and...no pants.

On evolution:

If a meteor had not struck the earth millions of years ago, does that mean I would slide down the back of a Brontosaurus when I got off work?


evolution, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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"when I take my sugar to tea..."

"I never take her where the gang goes..."? Sinatra was a Crip?

I wondered about "offending" people with a nude ( I always thought the word "nude" sounded a little pervy, but...) in one of my paintings. My favorite example of people having trouble with this is...Attorney General John Ashcroft. He spent $8000 of tax payer money to have Lady Justice draped for "aethetic reasons". That's good government!

Now I'm no activist for any pro-nudity special interest group ( to be fair, they've never contacted me either) , but I really don't understand people who have a problem with the naked body. I'm not saying to let your four-year old watch Deep Throat or anything, but I'm pretty sure that any "normal" person who looked at Lady Justice ( pre-drape) never went into any rapist frenzy.

Oh, if anyone is actually offended by my painting...I'll totally drape it for them.


"when I take my sugar to tea...", 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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an apple for the (bad) teacher

I've had some bad experiences with teachers over the years ( particularly with math related subjects).

Presenter: "...and the Academy Award goes to...Otto Lange!"

Announcer: This award goes to Mr. Lange for best use of crying to get out of being caught for cheating on an Algebra II test in 10th grade

Yeah, its true. I got full-on caught for looking at some girl's paper in the 10th grade. I wasn't even really cheating. Man, I was so lost in that class. I was just trying to see what the work should look like just so the teacher wouldn't think I was totally retarded. The teacher, we'll call her Ms. Bullock ( because that was her name...) was a total "Margaret Hamilton" about it too! "I have you now Mr.-makes-fun-of-my-hair-that-looks-as-hard-as-granite-because-I-use-way-too-much-hairspray! Who's sassy now?"

I had no choice. Try to explain my situation, and have her not believe me ( and get in A LOT of trouble). Or...do the soap opera cry ( you know, close you're eyes real tight, bite your lip, and turn away).

Hey, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta.


"an apple for the (bad) teacher", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Boing Boing

Hey! This is pretty cool...I got mentioned in something I actually read! Boing Boing!

Okay, and even more cool...the link next to mine has the Superfriends! Pin It Now!

pep-o-mints

I usually never take the little mints and candies they have at the register ( or on the way out of a restaurant), but I saw these and had to get them ( to paint). The problem was that I saw them and then went back into the restaurant after we had paid ( and left the building). I know I must have looked cool going back in when the manager guy asked if I had forgotten something and I awkwardly said..."No...I'll just ...hmmm...I'll take a few of these...okay...Thanks".


pep-o-mints, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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12 inch Brown-knee

I wanted to do this one a little larger in order to noodle around with a little more detail. I really gave my tiny brushes a work out this time. The "real" gesso as opposed to the acrylic stuff is WAY more gentle on an expensive brush.

Okay, more importantly is the release of Hawaii Five-0 Season three on Tuesday. Five-0 is GREAT T.V.!! You've got super-cool Steve McGarrett who constantly fires off a staccato rhythm of self righteous mini-speeches every episode ( he's like the love child of Elvis Presley and Jack Webb). The opening credit sequence tells it all ( the camera zooming in from the coast to a penthouse where Steve just happens to spin around just to give us a little 5 second "taste" of his cool). Awesome!!

Seriously, the whole premise is a task force who answers only to the Govenor? Are the FBI, state and local police not enough? No! We need Steve!

The best is when Steve goes undercover as some kind of jewel thief or "box man" ( they like to throw this term around to let us feel like we're getting a little "peek" inside real police jargon...oh, its a safecracker). The awesome part is that he goes into, shall we say...character when he's "under". Lot's of "evil" grins and sinister looks.

There's actualy a Five-0 drinking game where you drink every time someone says "McGarrett"( you'd get sloshed on this alone); someone from Five-0 shoots an unarmed man ( every episode); or anytime someone answers the phone "Yes, Steve" without being told its McGarrett.

"brown-knee, 1955, 2008

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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uncle dave...and some guy, 1937

When you look through your family photo albums is there always some guy that pops up that NOBODY KNOWS? There's this guy that is a recurrent character in all of our family photos that is referred to as "Phil or something". Its like on the ABC show Lost where every week there's some new hot chick or guy that shows up for some group shot. "Hey Man, Ethan's not on the manifest". Were there like 900 people on that plane?

uncle dave...and some guy, 1937, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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dubble bubble

Here's a cool little piece of Georgia lore. The heir to the Dubble Bubble dynasty has one of the coolest collections of microcars in the world. This warehouse is like a half-hour from my house tucked away on a two-lane country road ( its REALLY out in the sticks...). The only way you would find it is if you were looking for it ( there's a tiny sign that reads "Dubble Bubble Acres"). Check THIS out!

I mean really, a giant museum of the coolest antique foreign cars in the world? In the middle of nowhere? This is one of the reasons why I love living here!

dubble bubble, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Viewmasters...again

I have two items here:

First, I'm wrong about this particular Viewmaster...kinda. The one I painted is from 1976 ( the bi-centennial model...red and blue), but this model spanned from the the late 50's to the late 70's.

Second, ebay pulled this listing because I said that I accept "cash" in the little payment instruction thingy. I've used this same since I started, but apparently I'm not supposed to accept cash. I've relisted this painting again in a 5 day auction, and I'm sorry for the confusion.

Oh, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Pin It Now!

hi - def, 1970

Most of the things I watch on TV will NEVER be released in "hi-def" or look right on a widescreen television. TV shows need to be viewed in the correct original aspect ratio, but movies should NEVER be watched in "Full Screen" ( these have been edited by a studio employee and usually NOT the actual director of the movie). Shows like The Incredible Hulk ( my favorite "bad" show...Bixby is priceless), Hawaii 5-0 ( season three comes out on the 22nd!!), Space 1999 ( Landau's comb-over...), and The Equalizer ( super awesome!! Edward Woodward as a super cool British version of Charley Bronson...and Stewart Copeland's music...Fantastic) will never get the high defintion treatment.

I love the employee at the electronics store who comes up and says," Hey Man, do you have the high defintion experience at home? You really need to get with the times." I always respond ," when The Six Million Dollar Man comes out in hi-def...then I'll get with the program...Man".

hi - def, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Merry Christmas

I love the Christmas parade in the small town where I grew up! This year I tried to help Santa start his car ( he was flooding it...and slumped over the steering wheel). Awesome! He bid all the kids farewell with a little flair and said that "Santa has to drive home now". Then, he sat there for a while. I think he fell asleep. Oh, and it was an instant sleep too ( you know, like that woman in the ad for "the Clapper"). My niece had determined earlier that Santa doesn't talk like a "hillbilly" or "smell" , and that you "can't drive to the North Pole" either.

She's seven. Double Awesome!!

I got in trouble by my Mom when I pointed out to my niece that this particular Santa had also pee'd in his pants ( sorry, in his "Santa suit").

We decided that the "real Santa" doesn't do that either. Awesome times three!!!

I know its been a good Christmas when I get scolded and have some big laughs with a little kid. Pin It Now!

silver spoons

silver spoons, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Bing and Bob

I worked on Der Bingle a little more ( this was supposedly what the Germans called him during WWII, but I think they would have actually just called him by his NAME. There is no German translation for "Der Bingle"). I also finished Bob. I loved doing it.

FUN FACTS:


-"Thanks for the Memories" ( what became his theme song) was actually a B-side to "Penthouse Serenade" ( which isn't really very good). These songs were duets with Shirley Ross ( not Dorothy Lamour as most people think). Lamour sang the studio version of "My Favorite Brunette" ( one of his absolute best!!).

-Bob was the first to sing the Christmas song "Silver Bells" on screen in "The Lemon Drop Kid".

-There was talk in the late 40's and through the 50's of Bob running for President of the United States due to his immense popularity. He totally would have won, but he was born in England and was not eligible to run. There was also talk of attempting to change this law strictly for Bob to get in, but it was too soon after WWII and never pursued.

Bing, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

Bob, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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bing

Bing is the real "King". Okay, here's the quick history of popular music as I've learned it through my "learnin's":

-Bing

-Dean Martin ( often quoted as having the strong desire to mimic Crosby's style, and indeed did. Look for it in his manner and singing style. It's pure Bing!))

-Elvis Presley ( often quoted as wanting to mimic Dean Martin's style of singing. No real evidence of this ambition, but remember...It's still Bing)

-Everyone from the Beatles to the Rolling Stones. All of the British invasion and American Rock comes from Elvis and Blues. The Jazz ( primarily Dixieland, but also "experimental" as well) influence was brought into American households ( and parts of Europe) by, you guessed it, Bing! I know I'm over-simplifying, but the musicologists know the score.

Hey, it's important.

I made a movie showing the making of this painting ( I'm working on Bob Hope to go with Bing). I used all M.Graham products for this painting. The walnut oil in the paint and the medium are a super safe alternative to linseed oil/ turp methods. They also make a walnut oil for cleaning. You can eliminate petroleum from the oil painting process ( Leonardo didn't have them either). Walnut oil also doesn't yellow over time like linseed oil.

I also mixed the neutral grey ( gray?) from color. Using a black/white ( or worse, straight out of the tube Payne's grey) mixture doesn't have the same "vibrato" as a neutral mixed from complementary colors. You can play against your backround color that way.

Oh, incidentally, I took this from a "head shot" studio pic from 1942. This is my favorite period for Crosby's music, but he made some fantastic recordings up until the late 50's. My interest in his material ends in the 60's ( and don't get me started on that David Bowie "song").

Here's my new movie:

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granny lady

What's the one variety of insect that I won't break a $500.00 lamp to kill? The ladybug! I make every attempt to make the house and yard a bug-free zone, but the ladybug seems to slip through my net of Malathyon ( a super nasty neuro-toxin that works REALLY well! Oddly, we have no cats or birds around the house either...).

I was painting the other night and had a 45 minute "departure" just watching one moving around my palette. These little guys are all over the house, and I have absolutely no fear/gross-response at all. Is it because they're cute and they move in a neat little meandering way ( kind of like Groucho negotiating an office...)? Is this why Jessica Simpson ( or any one of "those"...) makes zillions of dollars to contribute basically nothing to the world of "entertainment"? Whatever happened to the triple-threat ( singer, dancer, actor...and you had to do them ALL well)? Now you can just be kind of generic and cute!

Hey, at least the ladybugs don't sing off-key!



granny lady, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Strawberry Pop Tarts

Pop Tarts ( and ONLY Kelloggs...you know what I'm talking about when I say the store brands need to stay in the store) were one of the first foods that I can remember making by myself. I'm sure my parents were so proud ( "that's our little prodigy!"). The few hours after school consisted of SpaghettiO's ( for my sister) and Pop Tarts for me. We would watch "The Adventures of Superman" followed by "The Brady Bunch" on WTBS ( this was before Ted Turner's "Superstation" had taken over cable and it was an Atlanta channel...channel 17, actually).

Oh, and I hate the term "latch-key kid". It implies that leaving your kid at home after school for a couple of hours is some horrible form of neglect. I mean if the kid doesn't see the parents for a week and is subsisting on Snicker's and Captain Crunch, then there might be a problem. On the other hand, a few hours alone at home isn't really anything worth crying on Dr. Phil's shoulder.

Strawberry Pop Tarts, 2007

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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don't cry over spilled Chicklets

Here's something funny. The ad for Chicklets in 1919 said that in a child's dreamland that "Chicklets hold the throne of glory!", and that they were "the crowning delight of childhood joy". Who were they marketing this to?





don't cry over spilled Chicklets, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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pink wind-up car

Along with all the things that I loved growing up, I've also been instilled with a love for all of the things my Dad loved. I grew up with Mego action figures, Paul McCartney & Wings, and the Super Friends. My Dad gave me a love for Hope and Crosby ( radio and movies), The Marx Bros., and Buck Rogers ( I remember watching those as kid on the Betamax!), and lots of cool tin toys. Incidentally, I remember being at Perimeter Mall in Atlanta watching my Dad trying to convince my Mom that a $2500.00 Betamax was a "good investment".

I keep wondering when I'm going to become a "grown-up"! I still love all the stuff that I always did. I do also remember as little kid thinking that you were "grown-up" when you owned a briefcase. You know like Oscar Goldman from the Six Million Dollar Man.

I've been asked to list some larger pieces for auction, so we'll see. I'm finishing up some "big pieces" for shows in the upcoming year that I'll post soon.

pink wind-up car, 2007

12" x 12", oil on gessoed panel

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ring pops

My wife hipped me to one of the most disturbing things that has been brought to my attention in a while. They actually make a deep-fried macaroni and cheese nugget! Here's a sample description from the Sonic website:

"Today I'd like to introduce the term "unrestricted eating." It refers to eating whatever you want, whenever you want it. Like macaroni & cheese, for example. Typically, you'd need a bowl, spoon and both hands to enjoy this quintessentially American dish. Lucky for you, SONIC® invented Mac & Cheese Snacks—a cheesy favorite packed into crunchy bite-size morsels. It's portable and pop-able. Which means you can now have Mac & Cheese anytime, anywhere. So like I said, it's "unrestricted eating." Got it?"

Could this be why the rest of the world hates us?


ring pops, 2007

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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honey

I have two "honey" stories:

First, my wife and I were eating at a Waffle House one time ( incidentally, I saw my sixth grade science teacher working there a few years back...turns out she didn't have a teaching degree. This is why I now cannot get a job at NASA!). The waitress kept calling me "Hoh-neh" in a passive-aggressive manner which I determined to be her version of "Honey". This is a sample:

Me: "Can I get some more coffee?"

Waffle House waitress: "Sure, Hoh-neh!"

Me: "Well...thank you...Hoh-neh!" ( with a lot of extra HOH-NEEHH ).

Waffle House waitress: "Be right back...Hoh-heh"

She never got it. Kept right on calling me and everyone else in the place "hoh-neh". The interesting thing was that she spoke very plainly for every word except "honey". I still call people "Hoh-neh!", but nobody really knows why.

The other story is when I was about 13 years old, my Uncle and his girlfriend and I stopped by his house on the way to the movies. He was checking his mailbox and and had received a giant container of honey from a friend with a note that said " You two ENJOY!". My uncle and his girlfriend exchanged some sort of giggly look, and I can remeber saying "Wow, you guys must really like honey!". At the age of 13, let's just say I was a little slow on the uptake.

honey, 2007
6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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