metropolis

The Adventures of Superman T.V. show from the mid 1950's is my version of "comfort food". There's a minor problem. Then, after much silly behavior by Lois and Jimmy, Superman comes in and fixes it. This painting is actually a little version of one that I was actually going to paint for myself ( eventually...).

How is it that every villain in contemporary cinema has a mastery of the martial arts equal to the skill of the hero? Not only is this totally retarded, but very unsatisfying. Ben Gazzara was actually a real challenge to Swayze in Road House? Road House being one of those truly exceptionally bad movies that you save for "special occasions". Some highlights:

-great dialogue where the gorgeous blonde female doctor marvels at the extensive wounds ( that the guy sewed up himself...) of an incredibly attractive male professional bouncer/ bar-straightener-outer-guy.

-scenes of the same guy doing tai chi outside while communing with mother nature ( and glaring at the villian across the lake).

- blind musician Jeff Healey "senses" Swayze through the sound of his fighting ( some guy actually wrote that scene down on paper). Healey also divulges to the audience that Swayze is "known" for his bar bouncing skills throughout the U.S. ( and I imagine parts of Canada).


The stars aligned when the writers of Road House penned this 1989 classic. Also, we get acting from Elvis Memphis Mafia alumni Red West ( this is his MySpace page...and coincidentally also the reason why I do not have one), Sam Elliot, and that guy from Emergency!

I realize that the first part of this little writing and the second part have very little to do with each other ( well, other than the fact that they are totally self-indulgent ramblings...).

However, I'm right about Road House.



"metropolis", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Tootsie Roll...There's more than one way to skin a cat

Sammy Davis Jr. sings EVERY SONG like its an epic! Like its gonna be the last song every sung by anyone...ever. His "The Lady is a Tramp" is, in my mind, the ONLY version. What every happened to the "triple threat" ( actor, singer, and dancer)? Is that what Richard Gere is supposed to be now?

Last week my little Chiquita got kicked off of a reputable online auction site due to its "mature themes". I suppose you don't need to be Freud to find something in naked lady and banana . To be honest, that composition came together kind of accidentally.

Can you take little children to major art museums to see renaissance artwork? Seriously, are a couple of nipples going send anyone into some sort of sexual whirlwind of debauchery? Aren't "grown ups" the one's cruising the internet for oil paintings anyway ( I haven't sold a single painting to any children yet...). Is it stupid to end every sentence in a question? This brings to mind Harvey Korman in Blazing Saddles when he looks at the camera and says " why am I talking to you?". Man, I really miss him!

Whatever ( this seems to be the only word to use anymore when you throw your hands up and give in...).

This week...I use ribbon to conceal the infinite feminine delights displayed. Yeah, I get it, Hitchcock movies are great due to what you can't see and what you imagine, but...c'mon.

Oh, has anyone ever needed to "skin a cat". Even stranger, has anyone ever needed more than one way to "skin a cat"?

"epic", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

private collection Pin It Now!

chiquita

Word on the street ( or word in this book ) is that the banana as we know and enjoy today will become extinct. I'm a big fan of the banana both as a food and as a cool aesthetic natural sculpture for kitchen decorating for the fiscally conscious.

Orginally, I was going to name this one "banana hammock". This would have been a literal interpretation as opposed to the stylish alternative to male novelty undergarments.

"chiquita", 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

private collection Pin It Now!

Candy Stripe

When there is candy on someone's desk in a little bowl or something... is it rude to take one? I always thought it was sort of an "ice breaker" to show that you're comfortable enough with yourself that "Hey, I'll have one of those". I swear, I ALWAYS get the look. You know, the look like, "that candy is here for other more important people!!" I never know that I'm usually not one of those people. Ignorance is bliss.

However, I've noticed the converse is true when candy is placed about in a public place. Chili's, Friday's, Olive Garden or one of those always has the little dish of Starlight Mints by the door or at the register. I love watching people navigate that situation. "Yeah, I'll have mint...or six".

Right? If its free...take a lot of it. Do you think Cary Grant took complimentary mints by the handful at The Olive Garden? Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure that the The Olive Garden would have been the kind of place that Cary Grant would be "kickin' it".



"candy stripe", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Four paintings one subject

This is a little side project I was asked to participate in with 3 other artists ( a "moresome" of painting). These talented artists include Jelaine Faunce, M Collier, and Neil Hollingsworth. We were each given an object and 30 days to make a little painting. This is what we came up with ( hint: mine is the one with the white rabbit in it).

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food stamp

This is an actual mental image from my childhood ( which also illustrates what a little moron I was). "What? They really have special stamps for mailing food?".

My parents and grandparents used to say someone was "on the dole" or someone was a "poor soul". Right after WWII, my great grandparents would take people in who were "transients" looking for work. My great grandmother Lil' put and end to that when she came home one night to find my great grandfather dancing in the living room with a lady "transient".

Another post WWII story about my great grandmother was that she replaced her front porch light with a red bulb because she "thought it was pretty". After several "transients" showed up looking for the "lady of the house", the red bulb was promptly replaced with the original white one. Sting would pen his classic Roxanne 40 years later.

"food stamp", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Slinky (the commission who cried wolf) $1.00 auction

This is an example of why my Dad gave me the very good advice of "get the money up front!!". This is the first commission where the guy stiffed me. So...I'm starting this painting off a $1.00...

When I was a kid, my dad used to drive to some subdivision in the middle of the night in Atlanta to dump garbage on somebody's front lawn. I remember the story being told to me later that "that guy screwed me otta three grand!!". I think this random garbage dumping went on for a few years. We reap what we sow...and so shall we reap, baby!

I suppose there's something to be said for a certain amount of effort and dedication involved in holding a grudge. This also illustrated to me that anger requires a certain amount of energy. Energy that I need for other things.

"slinky (homemade)", 2008

10" x 5", oil on gessoed panel

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fruit loops 36" x 36" commission

Here's the underdrawing of a commission for a "really big" bowl of fruit loops. In this pic we get a little peek into the sloppy work habits of Otto. I tend to "tidy up" in the painting and have a loose sketchy drawing for larger pieces.

The interesting thing is the chair. This just might be the very chair that a certain Dan Williams may have used to fight crime in a certain fictional branch of the Hawaiian state police that ONLY answered to the Govenor ( does every state have this?).

One would have to watch an episode to see the actual chair. Hint: its in his little office ( with no door , I might add ).

Oh, season five Y'all!! In season five we get the "V for Vashon" series ( I totally remember this being a BIG deal for my parents when I was a kid), Danno shoots another child, and we get Duke ( Steve pronounces it "DEE-yuke" in one syllable...amazing). Pin It Now!

slinky (homemade)

I was in Lowe's yesterday ( returning items for a project that seemed like a "great idea" at the time). The music they have in my Lowe's is FANTASTIC! I actually could have been out in 2 minutes, but they were playing so many good songs I couldn't leave. Hits like:

-Supertramp's The Logical Song

-Kenny Roger's The Gambler

-and...Chicago's searchin'

Searchin' was actually playing while I was at the register, and it was the end part where everything goes really symphonic and there's a great drum lick. I was so into it that I peeped out the "searchin'" part in the high-sweak-annoying-Cetera voice. Just a little peep. Then, this is the weird part, the cashier says NOTHING. I mean it was kinda subconscious and kinda not, but I also did it like 18 inches away from her face REALLY LOUD. All I could think of to say was "you like Chicago? ... There awesome, huh?"

She looked me like I was retarded and said "$2.21 is your change, thank you for shopping at Lowe's".

There was No Reply at All...


"slinky ( homemade)", 2008

10" x 5", oil on gessoed panel Pin It Now!

Lydia the Tattooed Lady - commission

This is a commission that I just finished and I actually took a few pics while I was working.



The person only specified an interest in a tattooed figure. I, obviously, thought of At The Circus ...right?




"Lydia the Tattooed Lady ", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed hardboard

private collection

I'm finishing up some larger commission and gallery pieces and I'll have some new auction pieces up soon. Pin It Now!

"baby what a big surprise"

One time a guy asked me if I "liked Chicago". I said "do you mean the city or...?" and then I did a little fast high pitched trumpet noise thing with my mouth. He was talkng about the band. We both agreed that Chicago was cool up until the A.C. ( after Cetera) period. Chicago is actually one of my "tools to annoy" with. Doing the trumpet noise thing to the tune of "Twenty-five or Six to four" is one of the more effective tunes.

To be honest, I always like Chicago ( the city and band...with Cetera). I have a penchant for 70's "lite rock" also know by some as...crap. I like a little Gordon Lightfoot, Little River Band, Doobies ( yes, and some solo Mcdonald), and of course the one that I take the real beating for...Ambrosia. Another one that I like ( and like to make fun of) is David Gates and Bread. "I'd like to make it with you"? Good and bad...but mostly bad.

I'm afraid that in my quest to understand my enemy ( Al "year of the cat" Stewart) that I've been seduced by the dark side of AM rock. You win this round Terry Jacks!

"baby what a big surprise", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel Pin It Now!

black and blue

I never watch TV just to pass time ( mouth open, bag of Cheet-Os, etc). I usually prefer DVD collections of TV shows. I either :

-use it for a little backround noise while I'm painting

-use it to deliberately make fun of a particular show ( this is often best with a group).

-Or ( and this is the best one) I use it to reunite with an old friend.

My current "old friend" is Cannon . Paramount screws you a little by selling these in 1/2 seasons of roughly 12 episodes ( they figure you'll take less of a financial "risk" if you don't shell out for a whole season), but its totally worth it. Its one of the reasons I work hard. Its fantastic!



I'll go into Frank Cannon later, but I have to say that seeing 1971 in all of its desaturated glory was thrilling. He drove a silver Lincoln Mark IV ( with cool red leather interior) that was roughly 37 feet long. You get to see Tom Skerritt sans moustache and Boss Hogg sans a redneck accent. Awesome!

I love William Conrad from radio shows ( He did a great one where he was a cowboy that had to defend his ranch against a swarm of flesh-eating ants), but Cannon is his masterwork. He uses his fat in an almost charming ( and disarming ) way. He uses a Judo chop to incapacitate his foes AND...he scuba dives.

Here' the best part ( and it gets better and better every time you hear it!):


"black and blue", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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French Kisses

I remember when I was like 10 or 11 my parents took me to see "a big T.V. star" at the world congress center in Atlanta. I also remember two women getting into a physical fight over someone "cuttin' in line" while we were waiting. A couple years before, my parents had taken me to see Darth Vader. Most of you may not know this, but the real Darth Vader has a thick southern accent, "whut's yore naame littul bouy?". And see, I had always though that David Prowse was an Englishman. We live and learn.

I was always skeptical when we went on these "star" jaunts after the hillbilly-Vader debacle, but the fight got me kind of excited. Actually, it turned out to be another version of hillbilly-Vader only in a policeman's uniform: Sonny "Enos" Shroyer. There is no real point to the story other than my childhood had some periods of minor disappointment and that people will fight over anything.

Oh, the French word baiser in my picture is in the noun form. A common mistake that people make when using baiser is that they use it in the verb form. This can make for some occasional "confusion", but often enhances the meaning.


"french kisses", 2008

10" x 5", oil on gessoed panel

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trix

I was at the gas station this morning, and two guys in a truck pulled up to the pump next to me. When the two got out ( one to go inside and the other towards the pump) the music from inside the truck was so loud it would have killed a small animal.

Okay, my questions are:

-Were these two guys having a conversation through the use of screaming ( awkward and frankly, a little weird)?

-Or, were these guys sitting in silence listening to the music at this level ( even more weird and frankly, a little stupid)?

Trix is one of my favorite cerals. A few years back they changed from the little multi-colored balls to a shape that represented each "fruit" of the corresponding color. I never understood why, but they've since gone back to the little balls.

"trix", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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"good morning... fruit loops"

My mom was fairly militant about breakfast cereal when my sister and I were kids living at home. My mom is the original mom who "likes Kix for what Kix has not!". Occasionally, a Frosted Flake or Cheerio would grace the cupboard, but usually there was an element of bran present. I know she was looking out for us in a loving mommy way, but c'mon man... Grape Nuts?

One of the perks of being a semi-adult is the ability to select one's breakfast cereal. Most of the ones that I now select involve a rabbit, toucan, leprechaun or captain. Seriously, if you read the ingredients on the boxes, the margin of sugar in the fun-time vs. bleghhhh ones is small.

Okay, I'll eat an apple afterwards, but the captain sails with me in the morn'.

"good morning... fruit loops", 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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bruised

Here's one to go on the list of "things I could never actually see myself buying" : Hello Kitty Band-Aids.

And this would be an example of someone possibly , shall we say, "over analyzing" the previously mentioned item.



You know...these Hello Kitty Band-Aids do, in fact, make that cut feel a little better. Thanks...( Hello ) Kitty!

bruised, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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straw-bees

The inclusion of children in my life has greatly enriched me emotionally, psychologically and intellectually. One great example ( and this is usually family-specific...which makes it even more special) is the extension and enhancement of your vocabulary with respect to the first words that the kids start using. Some of my favorites are pee-pop ( AKA popsicle ), bloo-bee ( blueberry) and my favorite...straw-bee. The funny thing is that as the kid grows up and starts speaking with more clarity, you feel the need to continue using the kiddy versions of certain words. "Uncle Otto...you don't have to say straw-bee anymore".

Man, I felt like Iron-Eyes Cody on the side of the road after having some car throw a bag of Burger King at me.

Actually, I invariably end up using some of these words when I speak to adults. "Work-job" is one I'm not giving up. This is a word that my little niece applied to anything that you would tell her "had to be done". The great thing about about her word "work-job" is that its very apt in the way that it intensifies ( by doubling it -"work" AND "job") the idea of doing something that sucks. True that, baby!

straw-bee, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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Apricot ( nocturnal)

Actually, this being "the peach state" and all, its a very rare occasion that I do get a decent peach in the grocery store. Apricots are worse. So, when I'm going through the checkout, I'm usually more focused on Mr. "paper or plastic" than on the person ringing up my stuff. I always have to rifle through my bag to get my more delicate items ( apricots, raspberries, origami sculpture...) out from under the heavier ones ( gallon of milk, bag of rock salt, anvil...). Several times, the bagging person looks at me like I stole one of his kidneys when make any "suggestions" toward his trade.

The other thing I don't like is the whole "would you like this bagged" thing. If I buy $200.00 worth of grocery items, I'm gonna need a way to get it out of the place. And, I use the little bags for a lot of little household things. Its not like I'm running to my local wildlife preserve and throwing all of my plastic grocery bags directly into a stream. Maybe I'm reading too much into the grocery store experience.

apricot ( nocturnal), 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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Peach Tee

I am a really bad golfer and I'm okay with it. I think my crappy golfing bothers the people I play with more than me. I see it as an opportunity to wander around lush landscaping with somewhat of a purpose ( "I MUST get the ball into that hole!!"). There's drinking of beer involved, and you get to drive a cool little car. I think others take it a little more seriously.

I love it when the ranger ( this is denoted by some guy who generally wears a hat that say's..."RANGER") come's by in his little cart to tell us to "Hurry up!" or "you guys need to tone down the language!!".

Thanks, "Dad"!

I also love the onslaught of little "tips" and "lessons" from EVERYONE with a bag of clubs. Some guy makes it on the green ONE stroke ahead of you and all of a sudden he's Fuzzy Zoeller?

Another favorite is when I hit a bad shot into the woods or into a lake ( on every hole ), I'm dropping another ball. This always gets the "Hey, didn't you already use your Mulligan?". The usual response is ( in the same tone as the person asking ) "Yes, Mr. ScoreMaster...I have...and...I'm going to use another one. I'm probably going to use one on EVERY HOLE.".

As bad as I am, I love playing with my uncle Rocky. I remember one summer in Ohio on a pretty nice PUBLIC course ( Yes, there's a difference), we were riding in the cart to our next shot. I noticed that there was a guy in the woods, another fishing one out of the lake with a stick, and a guy driving past us going the other direction looking for his ball. I gave him a puzzled look and before I could get out a word, he said ( and this is one of my favorite quotes on golf ) "Man, don't feel bad...everybody sucks!".

Another funny golf thing ( funny to me anyway) from Rocky is when you screw up a putt, he often says "Nice Read!!...Robert Reed!".

It just occurs to me that 90 % of the things in my "arsenal of funny" are things that only I find funny. "Robert Reed" doesn't come across as a real thigh-slapper in print.

peach tee, 2008

6" x 6", oil on gessoed panel

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raspberry sky

My sister and I used to spend the summer at my great grandparent's ( Jack and Lil's' ) house every year. They had a wonderful garden that we would pick fruits and veggies to eat for dinner every night. We would also pick blackberries and raspberries out of the neighbor's yard. His name was Joe Simms.

At the time ( early 1980's), Joe Simms was a 75 year old retired "carpenter". He smoked 200 cigarettes a day. He was about 5'7" and weighed about 94 pounds, and he wore the same dirty "wife-beater" undershirt with dress pants ( also dirty) every single day of the year. He was a carpenter and I assume his skill at his trade could be determined by the fact that he had roughly four fingers and a thumb remaining. He would hold his cigarette butts ( I say "butts" because I never saw him hold one over 2 cm long) between his thumb and pinky. To top it all off, he was a complete and total jerk. Always yelling at me, my sister, and my cousin to "get outta my Goddamn yard!!". I was like 10 or 11. This guy was a real cartoon character.

In my family, there is a thing called...a "Joe Simms" story. There are a million funny ones. Stories like the time he rode through the Wendy's drive-thru with his riding-mower because he had his driver's license taken away. The funny part is not the lawn mower through a restaurant drive-thru. The funny part is that they called the police on him becuase he had driven through with the blade down and inadvertently cut up the little cord that activated the speaker...and then attempted to evade the authorities.

One summer, my grandfather had shown us how to take a switch from his apple tree and fling apples with it ( he had a huge yard). One time Joe Simms yelled at us for flinging apples into his yard and said he was going to call "the cops on you little bast-edds". I ended up flinging one last apple as he was walking away and subsequently hit him in the back. We ran inside and lied to Gramma saying "everyone knows he lies...".

Actually, I think Grampa ultimately was the one who got in trouble for showing "the kids" the apple thing.

raspberry sky, 2008

8" x 8", oil on gessoed panel

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